It’s been some days now since 1 left for America to be with another in America, another left for China and I came home from another trip to the airport in the same week to a very still place.
Yes, 19 years 2 dogs, 3 cats, countless Guinea Pigs and 4 kids + later, my home is officially childless. As this reality began to sync in my psyche, I began to remember those constant trips to…, the symphony of familiar voices…, the countless questions… and the ever evolving lists that kept track of it all…
I value that hectic part of my life, as though yes the kids were our primary focus, I know now that every skill I chose to master, ahead of every experience that is to present in my life, was also fine-tuned there. The key awareness for me as I look back I believe, is constantly adapting the flow of this home to keep it relevant and functional. And like I would update their wardrobes seasonally with hand-me-downs and shoes that next size up, I would rearrange their rooms to honour their personalities and needs about as often as part of our school holiday ritual.
I am aware that in order to change the feel of my Now into future, I need to again change the feel of my surroundings at home. Why? To allow the ‘what was’, to become the new ‘what is’, and that is necessary and better than ok. I’m almost done and it’s been a layered process as always.
I started with the room where my youngest has just graduated from. It’s been a space he grew into and has now grown out of. Since his brother left home on his adventure 8 years earlier, it has on all levels supported him brilliantly….
Although he’s coming back briefly ahead of the next phase of his journey, he will experience change like he’s not known before. Before we moved to where we live now we moved house 17+ times. Our older kids, though always going to the same school, remember living in different homes at different stages of life. For the last 19 years here this has been our stable space; the constant in our time of greatest growth as a family. We welcomed him home from the birthing suite and as he grew through his milestones this home morphed also. His life map (and the maps of his three older siblings) is recorded in its walls. His memories have seeded in this landscape. He has trusted this as his primary learning, play and safe space. It is the home where to this day our (collective) Heart is.
There is one room in our home that because of its location in its footprint has been dubbed the oldest child (at home) room. It’s at the front of the house in the energy sector relating to mentors, guides, travel, and who/what supports us. It is fitting that each of our children have occupied this room as they prepare their wings to fly. It’s a light grounded space with a hint of ornateness in its cornice design reflecting ripples of water, thought, and movement. It fosters consolidation, gratefulness, adaptability, and knowing; their resource attributes for stepping out of familiarity and comfort and out to what else is possible. While the curtains of this stage will not be closing today, the sets and props have changed. While it’s uncertain what lies downstream from here, his compass is poised.
They will all return here in a few weeks’ time, and to celebrate the essence of what this space means for this family, including now our children-in-law and grandchildren, we will all gather here Christmas Day and be the Now version of us.